Wendy's Blog

Grieving with the bereaved families

by Wendy Keller, encouragement expert

Of course, there are no words.  The anguish, the rawness, the shock – how could this happen in our country…again.

The lives of everyone directly involved are changed forever.  The reverberation in all our compassionate hearts around the country and around the world is profound, touching, humbling, and so very sad. It is a reminder that the world is really just one big tribe.  Watched President Obama’s touching, tear-inducing speech from the 14th.

These things bring up the existential questions:

Why do bad things happen?  To good people, to innocent people, to little kids?

How can a just or loving God allow such things to happen?

And other questions:

What was wrong with the shooter – how could anyone do that?

What must his family and friends be thinking and feeling now? Surely they are in a whole different kind of horror.

When terrible events like this occur in the world, I believe it is a visceral reminder to those who have ears to hear to not just treat those we know and love with more kindness, but to go out of our way to be kind and loving even to those people on the fringe of our society.  One never knows what burdens another person bears.

Let this tragedy be a reminder to those of us who are not directly affected to be more giving, more inclusive, more loving and more patient with everyone we encounter.

 Love to all who are suffering, from this tragedy and so many others around the world – public, private and personal.


  1. Wendy, I’ve been hearing so many different reasons why this individual perpetrated this heinous act of madness ….. like his mother was going to have him sectioned into a mental facility and the fact that she was a nursery nurse who cared for young children and thought more of them than her own son. But nothing can explain his reasoning as to why he should have to kill so many young children and his mother as well as himself.What can go through someone’s mind that makes them so evil? Notoriety is obviously one chain of thought but how can he experience the ‘pleasure’ of that when he’s not here to witness it. I guess you would have to be a psychiatrist or similar to put it into any sort of context. It just totally drains me when I see this and find it really difficult to accept. I’m so lost for words.

    • Stuart,

      It DOES seem so difficult to accept! I can imagine how much worse it is for those poor parents! Incomprehensible. Such a random, senseless crime, and whatever Lanza’s sick motivations were, it sure doesn’t solve anything to understand them except perhaps to be vigilant about others who might fit a similarly demented psychological turmoil.

      I also keep thinking what the people who loved him and his mother must be thinking! Are they riddled with guilt “I knew him! I had my suspicions!” or “How could I not have seen this coming?” Sadly, “survivor guilt” is a complicated emotion. I hope there is ample support from qualified grief counselors for all concerned, and that they avail themselves of it.

      Truly the definition of a tragedy.


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