Truth or Dare? Are You Living the Life You Wanted?

Posted in Depression, Divorce, Financial Challenges, Hope, Managing Emotions


A Bittersweet Story by Wendy Keller I just got off a phone call with a…


A Bittersweet Story

by Wendy Keller

I just got off a phone call with a friend I’ve had for 20 years, but we haven’t spoken for the last 7 or 8.  As we caught up on what’s happened in those interim years, he told me that, among other things, he met Nelson Mandela and he worked for the UN on a tour of the Congo and other African countries!  He worked with the USO for years helping the children of American servicemen and women cope with their parents’ deployment.

His life has been AMAZING!  A far, far cry from the person I met all those years ago.  When I met him, he couldn’t scrape two dimes together.  He was giving more than half his week to charitable activities.  He was setting off on a course for his brand new business that made little sense to me.

When I hung up, the only thing I could think about is the distance he’s traveled and the distance I have not. And I don’t mean geography.

I’ve spent my life raising a child alone (he and his wife have no children); coping with several life-slamming tragedies (I’m sure he has suffered too, but not the same things as me); and doing my work dutifully, not daring to dream too much because I didn’t have time, energy or resources to pursue my dreams anyway.

And that’s the piece that is echoing in my ears since the phone call:  that my excuse is that I didn’t have the time, energy or resources to pursue my dreams.  (Well, at least not the Very Big Ones.  I have pursued some of the Medium Sized Ones)

This man made a different choice: he did it anyway. 

Over the years, he adapted, he grew, he learned, he changed.  He mastered those abilities. But he kept his dream clear in his mind.  The vision for what he wants next is different than where he’s been, and it will take all those same skills – adapting, growing, learning, changing to get it. 

The difference between my friend and me? Heck, the difference between him and most people? He Dares.

Do you dare?

 

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One Quick Tip for Feeling Happier Today

Posted in Depression, Divorce, Financial Challenges, Hope, Managing Emotions


Try it!  Whaddya got to lose? by Wendy Keller, compassionate blogger, chocolate eater You’ve probably…


Try it!  Whaddya got to lose?

by Wendy Keller, compassionate blogger, chocolate eater

You’ve probably heard the phrase “What you think about becomes your reality” and “You get what you focus on.”  But knowing why these oft-used phrases work will help you use the happiness trick I’m about to share – any time and any place you want.

Imagine you’re on your way to an important activity like picking up your child after school or a business meeting, and you’re running a little late. You feel a little stressed, anxious.  You become laser-focused on how to get there the quickest way possible, on how the clock is ticking, on how fast you are or aren’t moving.

But you’re not always focused on the path or the clock.  You’re not always focused on your heartbeat or your speed of movement.  Funny how when you’re running late, you suddenly have one clear goal and your brilliant brain is scanning for the fastest way to achieve it.

Voila!  That’s the trick for feeling happier, too!

Happiness is a feeling, not a destination (like your meeting), but improving your happiness right this  minute can be a goal.

Try this simple 3-part tip:

 Scan your environment quickly for anything that is NOT making you unhappy – things that are great, good or even just good enough. Maybe it’s great weather, there’s a bird singing in the tree, your boss is out for the day, you have your favorite shoes on, the sight of your pet.  Jot them down fast. 

Now actively apply your brain to the goal – LOOK around you for obstacles on your clear-cut path to experiencing more happiness.  Look for the little annoyances, the big annoyances and the big troubles. Jot them down, too.  

Take action on one thing, however small. For instance, if the rattling of your air conditioner’s motor is really getting on your nerves, either turn it off and consider the heat pleasant; fix it, replace it or hire someone to fix it.  If the stack of bills is crushing your soul, pick out the smallest one and pay just it.

Taking action on just one of the obstacles in your way will make you feel more empowered and may inspire you to make major changes.  And acknowledging how many things are NOT causing you unhappiness has the magical effect of increasing your happiness, according to numerous studies (go figure!)

This isn’t difficult, you can do it in a few minutes or less, and once you try it, you may find it becomes a pleasant and worthwhile habit.  You may find your daily happiness level increasing to the point where you can honestly say to yourself, “I’m having a pretty good life!” 

When you’re ready, you will probably find this free eBook comforting.

Over 8,500 suffering people already have.

 “The Top Ten Tips to Coping with Crisis”

 

 

Is Your Life a Disappointment to You?

Posted in Depression, Disaster, Divorce, Financial Challenges, Grief & Death, Hope, Managing Emotions


What we get when we DON’T get what we wanted Has your life turned out…


What we get when we DON’T get what we wanted

Has your life turned out the way you’d hoped? Or somewhere along the path, did you take a fork in the road and it ended up sticking you in the gut?

Yeah, that’s pretty typical.

One of my brothers called me last weekend, really annoyed that yet another law enforcement department in his state turned down his job application. Last year, around his 43rd birthday, he decided he wants to be a cop.  Problem is, most agencies limit applicants to 38 or younger. This is the fifth time he’s been refused. I am the big sister, so I said, “Well, it’s too late for me to become a prima ballerina, too.  That’s sad.  So what will you do now?”

If you don’t get what you wanted, what do you have?  You have the opportunity to choose a different dream.  As my wheelchair-bound friend and famous motivational speaker  W. Mitchell says, “It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it that counts.”  My brother is just going to have to pick a new dream career.  Sorry, but “them’s the facts.”

Sometimes, self-help gurus tell people to set up goals and dreams that are unrealistic. But it’s hard to know if the dream you’ve set for yourself is unrealistic or not.  There have been people who climbed Everest in their 70s.  There have been women who had babies in their 50s.  There have been people who became best selling authors in their 60s.

My belief: when you don’t get what you want, you have to get real and face the hard facts. Are you not trying hard enough?  Are you giving up too early?  Are you inches from the goal and just not putting in enough effort?  Or are you just not likely to get it because of factors outside your control?

Like my dear brother.

It’s not his fault that the law enforcement rules in his state preclude him from ever getting hired.  Maybe if he moved to another state, or if he just wanted to work in a police station as a dispatcher…maybe he can have a modified version of his dream. Perhaps if I enrolled in ballet classes and practiced relentlessly, one day I could participate in a modest performance. But the chances of me becoming a world-class ballerina starting so late in the game are pretty slim.  Them’s the facts.

Take a look at your dreams.  Give them an honest assessment. What would you have to do, how would you have to change, what kind of time and energy would you have to invest to pursue them?  Are you willing to make that commitment?  If not, you’re not allowed to sit around grumbling about how you didn’t get the Big Chance you always wanted.

When you DON’T get what you wanted, your only remaining option is to see what you can make out of what choices you do have and then decide what you want badly enough to put in the energy to achieve it.

 

PS – My last ballet class ended when I was five. My real dream was to be like Katharine Graham or Diane Sawyer.  I’m in the ballpark, but in the nosebleed section…I still live in the world of words.  For me, it’s better than not even close.

 

Want some helping with whatever you’re facing?  

Get the FREE helpful eBook “Top Ten Tips to Coping with Crisis”.

Reset! Your life begins anew.

Posted in Depression, Divorce, Financial Challenges, Hope, Managing Emotions


Sorting Ourselves Out to Make Room for Progress I took some time off this summer…


Sorting Ourselves Out to Make Room for Progress

I took some time off this summer to think.  You could say it was a reward or a sabbatical, but really it was me curling up into a ball (like a pill bug!) to think about the direction I want to go with the rest of my life. I needed a reset. As we settle into autumn, I find myself emerging from my time of reflection with renewed focus and hope.

Maybe you can relate?  

I’ve reached the mid-point in my life.  It was time to ponder what I have and have not achieved; what might be possible going forward; and what contribution – if any – I have made to the world.  With my daughter moved out, the daily care stage of motherhood has ended. I am surprised at how much mental space that gives me. I marvel at what appears to be freedom. Since I am not in a romantic relationship, I am also at complete liberty regarding what I do, and how and where I choose to live the rest of my life.  Freedom feels odd and as it sinks in that it’s my turn to live, I feel wonderment.

Have you too reached a place where you ask, “Now what do I do with my life?”  

It’s fun and scary at the same time, like being at the top of a roller coaster just about to start the fast swish down the slope.  Who knows what lies ahead?

I remember realizing after my first two children died that my life was completely reset.  I recall after the fire burned our house that my life was completely reset.  And now, here it is again.  How many chances do we all get to take a different path?  And why do we take or ignore them?

My friend Rick demanded but didn’t get a promotion he says is long overdue.  So today he began looking for a new job.  Reset!

Another friend Jeff called today to tell me his credit score is so bad he didn’t get approved for the third house he tried to rent, so he’s living in someone’s spare bedroom.  He’s 54 and the father of two young children from his second marriage.  Worst, his third fiancee left him two months ago.  She was the one with the steady money.  Reset!

I just got back from a visit to see my stepmother Rita, shown in the photo with me. She and my biological father moved to Panama ten years ago.  My dad moved back to the USA about a year ago, leaving Rita to clean up the details of selling their real estate there.  Several buyers have fallen through.  Rita’s chirpy line? “It will all work out perfectly!”

And so it does.  Time and again, although Plan A goes awry, it turns out Plan B is as good or even better.  

If your life is going through a reset, may I suggest you take whatever time you can snatch from your schedule to reflect on what options you have left and what you’d like to do with them?  Sometimes, we’re so frantic, so busy, so panicky or so scared that we grab onto the next thing that passes by, in hopes it is our salvation.

I’ve seen people do that as they are leaving a marriage, for instance, when they “fall in love” with the first person who is nice to them after their spouse calls it quits.

I’ve seen people who know they will soon be laid off scramble for any job they can find, as opposed to thinking about how to take a step up in their careers.

I’ve seen (and been) a person who looks for familiarity, safety and comfort to keep myself steady during turbulent times.  But if we approach the resets in our life with questions and compassion instead of fear, we have space to craft a better future; to learn the lessons the reset might be teaching; and to take stock of where we’ve been so far.  And as Rita says, life has a way of working out perfectly.

When you’re ready, you will probably find this free eBook comforting.

Over 8,500 suffering people already have.

 “The Top Ten Tips to Coping with Crisis”

 

How To Get More Love and Appreciation in Your Life

Posted in Depression, Hope, Managing Emotions


One Sincere Compliment Goes a Very Long Way by Wendy Keller, wanna-be philanthropist Is there…


One Sincere Compliment Goes a Very Long Way

by Wendy Keller, wanna-be philanthropist

Is there someone in your life who gives you compliments?  A friend, perhaps, or maybe someone you work with?  Seeing them makes you smile.   Probably, that person is well-liked, even popular, and everyone seems to get along with them.

Most people feel a little twinge of happiness when someone compliments them, even if they don’t believe the compliment! 

Which got me to thinking: how often do I compliment other people?  I compliment people I love, people I work with, people whose work I admire.  Sometimes, I compliment a stranger’s shoes or her dress.  I compliment my precious daughter.  But I was startled to realize that I spend almost no time at all complimenting myself!  In fact, just the opposite.  I find plenty of room for improvement in myself.

Are you the same way?  Do you compliment others but rarely yourself? Or worse, do you hoard compliments entirely, giving none away?

The sages say we only get what we give.  Givers Gain.  So what would happen if you decided to dish out compliments to 5 random people today?  Could both of us even dredge up 5 sincere compliments to give ourselves?

It seems I’m so busy rushing from what I must do now to what I must do next, I hardly ever savor a job well done.  Like most women, I look in the mirror and think about all the things I need to cover up, patch up or have sewn up.   I think so much about where I’m going, I sometimes forget to be happy about where I’ve gotten. (Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to write this so honestly and know I’m going to post it for everyone to read?)

I propose we start complimenting ourselves and others more often.

Let’s see who can “win” by giving the largest number of sincere compliments to others – and ourselves. It has to be a 1:1 ratio!  Over the next week, every compliment you give someone else, you have to give one sincere compliment to yourself.  Come back and post here if you want – the pairs of compliments and their number.  Something about doing it publicly makes it more real, trust me!  (Gulp!)

Who’s up for it?

To get more love and appreciation in your life, you’ve got to prime the pump – let’s get started right now!