Here are ways to make it easier on yourself…and your kids if you have them.
by Wendy Keller, divorced since 1994, single mom
No kidding, divorce is tough. Even if you start out promising to make it easy on each other, because who wants to pay high legal fees, 99% of the time, things get ugly. It does NOT have to be that way!
Here are 5 Ways to Get a Better Divorce. “Better” = faster, cheaper, calmer, nicer, easier.
1. YOU decide to be the grown up about this, however stupid, illogical, childish, manipulative, immature, sneaky or vile your soon-to-be-ex is being. It just takes one person to change to change the whole dramatic game.
2. Decide you’re going to do EVERYTHING in your power to get this over with faster. Which doesn’t mean cave in to ridiculous demands. It DOES mean you agree with yourself (even if you don’t include your attorney in your new thinking!) to accelerate the end. Get really, super clear about what your real bottom line is…and the most you’d be willing to give…and then calmly, consistently and repeatedly reinforce those parameters. That’s just good negotiation skills, not being weak.
3. ACCEPT that this is super hard on you, your family, your friends, your ex, everyone involved. Since you can’t take care of everyone, just take extra good care of yourself and the kids. Make time to breathe, get outside, relax, talk about something else. Watching TV or complaining to your friends about your former spouse are NOT restorative activities! Do things that take you out of thinking about it.
4. DON’T listen to biased people. Your friends, your family, they may all mean well. But likely, the things people are telling you are making you MORE upset, and making things WORSE. That’s just how it is when people take sides and cheer for “their” team. Even if the person is offering you their “best advice” about how to “get what you deserve”, usually this advice only pours gas on the fire in your mind and heart. If you have people like that in your life, don’t talk to them about your divorce. Listen to people who give you ways of doing this faster, more calmly and with respect for yourself and – believe it or not – your former spouse.
5. STEP up. If the process stalls, discuss matters with your attorney. If you’re 100% convinced your attorney is not on your side, join the club! Most people getting a divorce decide at some point that their attorney is needlessly procrastinating and not really on their side. Rationally determine if this is true before you dump him or her – or ask a person who is not emotionally involved (and not a divorce attorney who wants your business!) if the actions your attorney is taking are efficient and realistic. Step up to taking care of yourself, and keep the process moving forward.
Some people are thrilled to be getting a long-awaited divorce. Some people are SO depressed! Others still are amazed that this psycho is someone they were once married to, and now have to fight with for even simple, logical things. Save yourself – act maturely and as calmly as you can to create the best, fastest results with the least about of damage. It IS possible if you set your mind to it.
Sick of the fighting?
Want to make this easier on yourself?
**This is the BEST eBook I can find on how to achieve a faster, smarter, cheaper divorce**