Wendy's Blog

‘Cuz sometimes, you just gotta.

by Wendy Keller

From time to time, we all have to get along with people we don’t like. If you’re lucky, it is for a brief period of time. If not, you work with them, gave birth to them, are related or married them.  Here are three simple “tricks” I’ve learned from books I’ve represented on this topic or ones I’ve just read. These help me, even if I have to grit my teeth sometimes.

Fake it.  Just utterly and completely fake that they are the most interesting, wonderful, compelling person you’ve met all day.  Oddly, sometimes you’ll find yourself actually starting to see their good traits when you do this.


For absolutely NO good reason, give up your need to be right. To judge.  To look down on this person’s way of being.  There are probably some other people – their friends or their peers – who don’t think they’re bad or dumb or annoying at all.  For a few hours, or even a whole day, just let this person be.  Give yourself – and them – a break.  Ahhhhh.


Take a break.  Get away, get outside, go into the bathroom and take some deep breaths, do 10 jumping jacks.  Anything to shake lose your annoyance, your rage, your incredulity.  (When my daughter was a teenager, oh my!  I had to do a lot of this!)  When you come back to address that person, use the Positive-Negative-Positive approach, even if it kills you.  (See point 1)  That means FIRST say something sincerely positive.  Then succinctly state the negative.  Close with a longer positive.  Think of an Oreo cookie!  By getting away, you’ll have calmed down enough to be able to think of two positive things, and to have prepared or even rehearsed your succinct negative.  This is how good managers give constructive feedback. It works on everyone.


Try it and let me know how it worked for you. 

Please, comment here or on my Facebook page!

Or if you have a better method, please share.


    • Hello Wendy (Love your name!)

      Actually, one can never change the other person – whether they are the bully or just ignorant. The strategies I suggest are to help us change ourselves and our own behavior and point of view. If you try them sequentially, you may find you feel different – even though the other person may never change.

      Best of luck!

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