Am I telling the truth or kidding myself?
by Wendy Keller
Today I awoke and took careful stock of my life. The things I am happy about, the things I appreciate, the people I’m grateful for and so on. It was quite a long list – I am an incredibly lucky person.
I also took stock of the things I dislike, would like to fix or know I need to change. It was quite a long list – I am an incredibly slothful person.
Many of the things on both those lists were on it a year ago.
Makes me wonder how committed I really am to change.
For at least 12 long months, I’ve complained to myself about the parts of my life I don’t like – parts of my personality, parts of my professional and personal life, things related to my health, behavior and well-being. In every single case, I’ve made a few attempts, some false starts, some month-or-two long commitments to change my behavior, my thoughts or my results. And I have in many cases made some progress, but then slipped back into old habits.
It would be easy to chide myself for my failings.
It would be possible to tell myself, “Well, you’ve had other priorities” and “Old habits die hard” and “There were so many distractions!” And all of those would be fair. But if I don’t demand more from myself, more from my life, who will?
And next year, things will likely be exactly the same.
I’ve tried Drastic Measures and Incremental Measures. But I got tired, lost focus, got distracted, got overwhelmed, gave up. Has that ever happened to you? I know better. I know my life is in my own power to change. I even know HOW to do it. So I am publicly committing to the following.
Here’s my New Plan:
1. Stay Conscious of what I’m doing during the days of my life
2. Pause before I take an action that either diffuses my intention or takes me off the path to my goal
3. Stop telling myself “I failed today, but tomorrow I’ll do better.” Because for a year, tomorrow hasn’t stuck. I have not done better tomorrow. I commit to doing better in THIS next moment, moment by moment.
4. Hang out with positive people who are consciously, positively pursuing their own goals and plans.
5. Stop giving myself permission to slip up, skip today, justify my failures, blame circumstances, and other avoidance behaviors.
6. Keep track of my steps in the right direction and celebrate progress. Just like people in AA give themselves those shiny colored metal disks; just like a kid gets gold stars on a chart. I’m going to track my progress on my 4 or 5 Big Goals starting today.
I hope that next year on my birthday, when I’m even closer to the big 5-0 number, I’ll look back on my life and say, “I finally achieved those things – inner and outer goals – and now I have a whole batch of exciting new ones.”
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. — Leo Tolstoy, author
When I pre-savor my victory, it tastes sweet.
Care to join me?
What goals, dreams, wishes, challenges and ideas are YOU working on? What’s your plan for achievement?
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Karen says:
Hi Wendy,
I have had the most Turbulant few years of my life, i was abused as a child by 2 eldest brothers, we were a strong happy Loving family and who would want to destroy that so i lived with it and kept this bottled up for most of my life. It has had huge impacts on my life!
3 years ago one of the boys almost killed me with his stupid driving and well shall we say it made the lid come off the bottle, it was like adding a mento sweet to a bottle of coke…watch the contents fly Everywhere!
I gave up a business doing what i loved most, Hairdressing, I had such a wonderful set of clientelle who through my breakdown have turned into the greatest friends i could ever ask for. they Picked me up, they let me fall, they dusted me off, they heard my cries, they felt my pain and handled my anger. Adoctor who aided me through this, no matter what i told her i was doing she would assure me all the way, I owe these people so much gratitude!
I am so lucky to have had such a strong support network, but the grief i am going through killed my love for hair, blurred my vision to what i thought was important ~ Bills, Debts & Obligations.
It opened my eyes to a whole new world what people really do go through. The real Possibilities Life holds.
To my absolute amazement it made me think that mine is a past event that should no longer affect my Present Or Future…They Cannot Take that away from me. They had the First chapter of my life, I Am on the second chapter now 🙂
I Am making peace with the death of my Former self and getting a hold of who I really Am.
Where i can relate is that my family are all at different stages of grief with added life pressures and health problems which has constantly kept Us stuck.
i have so much compassion & understanding now and i have to say that over the last year or so reading your blogs has really helped me see where i am at at and what progress i am making.
>THANKYOU WENDY<
Words cannot convey how sain and assured your words and opening up and telling me Your Story has helped me deal with my own, no matter how different the stories are.
I do lists all the time.
One is headed ~ The Past/Closure.
It is a list of all the things i need to deal with to put the past behind me.
The insecurities That no longer serve me ( i call this the ego cleanse, Like an emotion Bath:)
The second is Headed ~ Present
It is a list of the Real friends i have and wish to make time to see, Help & socialise with.
The things I Love to do and need to make time for And to discover new passions 🙂
A list of things that scare me/excite me. I try to do one thing that builds my character everyday, No matter how Big or small 🙂
The Third is headed ~ Future
this is a list of all the dreams that i have and slowly building the 'how to achieve it' action plan.
I Feel the need to have long range and short range goals. the small ones are like the stepping stones to the Big Ones! 😀
In my Quest to find Myself i have found that I can help others and through Having my own business i was lucky enough to be able to see a person going through a hard time no matter how big or small and take them into my staffroom and help them through theirs, jus by offering them a cup of tea, half hour of my time and a friendly ear & shoulder…so rewarding! To be able to reach out to another human being is Amazing.
It put everything into perspective.
I wish to start my own family
I Wish to write a book to help abused children, teenagers & Help Parents Come to terms with and help them help themselves.
I Wish to Be Me 🙂
Thanks for taking the time to read my story. I wish you all the very best!
Take Care
xx:)xx