Why it’s so hard to get through the bad stuff
by Wendy Keller, writer, mother, survivor
Tonight, I read a book that isn’t published yet. It’s about one woman’s 14 year struggle to integrate the death of her 20-something year old daughter. It reminded me of my own journey, now +21 years working (hard) to integrate the deaths of my 4 yr old son and 18 month old daughter. The editor asked me to review it and provide a quote, so I did.
I want to let you in on a little secret: I am well aware that none of this is easy. Life is a struggle. It’s hard. We all get hurt. We get crushed, beaten up, abused, dragged around. Trees fall on the heads of perfectly decent people after Hurricane Sandy. I don’t believe for one minute that your life or mine is easy, or that you can just SNAP! instantly get over all the bad things that have happened to you.
Here’s what I do believe. No, here’s what I KNOW: that you can eventually. That’s it. That’s my whole point with all these blog posts. You can.
If you seek ways, you will find ways.
It isn’t going to be a walk in the park for most of us. That’s our tough luck. But whether you believe in God or Allah, that suffering is a punishment, a test, bad karma, destiny or totally random, here you are. You’re dealing with the stuff you’ve got and it hurts like heck.
There are people everywhere in the world who have suffered something similar to what you’re going through right now, no matter how rare you think your situation is. Some of those people have been crushed by it – they are bitter or they commit suicide or they become bad people. But there are also people who are getting through it. They’re chipping away at it, moving the mountain one tablespoon at a time. I know because I’m one of them. I’m getting through it. I don’t have any special bag of tricks. I’ve just got this damn tablespoon and sometimes, I’m tired of living without my precious children. Sometimes, I feel sorry for myself. Sometimes, I don’t want to keep on trying to make my life and the world around me a better place. But I know the secret to all of this. (Probably, so do you) Here it is: just keep chipping away at it.
Just keep going.
Just get up tomorrow and see if you can do one thing differently. If you can add one more smile to someone else’s life. If you can help one person. If you can show yourself just a little more love and compassion. If you can say one more positive thing, even if you’re not wholly feeling it.
Pretty soon, you’ll find out you’re making progress. You’re getting through. If you’re really lucky, you’ll start to glimpse the light at the end of the tunnel – no, not an oncoming train! But daylight. You emerging into the sunshine again, ready to let your life refill with joy, peace, abundance and happiness.
It’s coming. Just keep going. You’ll see.