What to Do When You’re Feeling blue by Wendy Keller Everyone has sad, blue days sometimes. When the burdens of life pile up, or you’re exhausted from dealing with some seemingly-never-ending crisis, feeling blue is normal. Here are some strategies and tips for coping with those kinds of days and putting yourself into a sunnier disposition: 1. Know that they happen to everyone. Nobody is cheery, upbeat and happy all the time, even if you’ve never seen them a little bit down. 2. Give yourself a break. It’s OK to...
read moreA Perspective on Healthy Love by Wendy Keller Have you been thinking about leaving your marriage or your relationship? Lots of people suffer for years and years before they make the incredibly difficult decision to get out. I’ve been single-again for nearly 18 years, so my perspective is that of someone who has watched endless friends go in and out of marriages, love affairs, adulterous affairs, and live-in relationships. I’ve observed their mistakes, challenges and (to me) blindly foolish decisions. This is what I see: 1....
read more…And Create Ones that Bring You the Life You Desire Pretty much everyone on the planet knows that thoughts create your feelings and your feelings drive your behavior – even for those who consider themselves very logical. Most people have also noticed in their own lives that if they think happy thoughts, they tend to have a happier day. Makes sense, right? (The “chicken” that comes first is the thoughts, the happy day is the egg.) When you’re coming out of a crisis in your life, though, sometimes your brain has...
read moreHave You Gotten Used to Giving Up? by Wendy Keller When my daughter Sophie was six, I fulfilled a long-held dream of mine: I went to see the famously beautiful Isle of Skye in Scotland. We stayed in an old hunting lodge in a tiny village with too many syllables to re-type here. At the edge of the gorgeous grounds was a pig pen and in it, one huge pink sow. Sophie was thrilled to watch this pig, which weighed much more than she did then. I felt nervous because the pig was restrained by only one strong wire around the perimeter of its...
read moreHow to Show Real Compassion by Wendy Keller When someone we care about is hurting, compassionate people like you want to do or say something to help ease their pain. But sometimes, the most loving thing we can say is nothing at all. Here are some ways you can offer real comfort – and prevent yourself from making the situation any worse. 1. Let it be all about them. Say simply “I am so sad that you’re hurting.” Or “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” People often...
read moreYou Have to CHOOSE to Feel Better Or It Won’t Happen In 1991, I was sitting in my wheelchair in a large conference room with about 60 other bereaved parents. It was my third time to attend this support group. The format was always the same – the director would begin by telling the story of how her child died, then we’d go around the room clockwise, each parent telling their sad story. Two rules: no interruptions and no questions. I was wondering when we were going to get to the part where we start to figure out how to...
read moreThe last words I said to my four-year-old son just seconds before he died are etched into my mind. He had just awoken from a nap in the back seat of our rental car. We’d spent the day touring the Cotswolds, the part of England where they have all the pretty little thatched cottages. We all had jet lag. Jeremy awoke and said, “Mommy, I’m hungry.” And I made him a promise I’d never keep. I said, “OK, honey. We’ll be there soon and you can have ‘chips with tomato sauce’.” He had...
read moreAre you struggling with a divorce? My friend “Brian” is going through the crazy time common during a divorce. Driven blindly by guilt, he’s making himself more miserable than he needs to be. He moved out, then guilt over “abandoning” his 18 yr old high school senior drove him to move back in. It took a lot of courage – and a lot of pain – for him to move out in the first place. What will it take to move back out again – if he wants to in the future? In 1994, my therapist told me, “When the...
read moreOr “How To Get Through a Frustrating Situation Without Slapping Anyone” Men are using a concrete drill in the space below my office. Actually, the space right below my desk. This unwelcome surprise has been deafening for about three hours now. I finally took a deep breath, went down there and sweetly asked “How much longer will this be?” The incredibly nice man in charge said, “Maybe about two hours, but if you need us to be quiet, we can use chisels instead.” I said I’d just take my laptop and...
read moreLife’s Best Natural Refreshment There’s a secret that helps people who are suffering in a way that can only be called “counter-intuitive”. It’s been called the “elixir of life”, the “Magic Formula” and the “First Principle of Success”. It’s even what makes grown-ups popular, businesses succeed and troubles soften. What is it? What is it! It is…encouragement. When we’re down and depressed, mired in our own pain, it’s easy to forget to take action to...
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